Second Place
by rememberese
Summary: I saw the way she looked at me. While I was in cuffs taking the heat for her, she stared. I stared. Ryan didn’t have a clue. (Marissa and Trey)


It wasn't like this was new to me. Coming in second was my thing. He got out of jail long before I did. He got himself an entire new family. Worst of all, he got to her first. He cleaned up and I'm barely getting by. Somewhere along the line he changed from the typical Chino kid into to Orange County's finest. And I was still just some druggie high school dropout who couldn't keep himself out of jail. I think the only thing I had on him was height.

They were neighbors. I imagine they met while he still had the Chino attitude in him. For my sake, I hope that's what she liked about him. The fights, the drinking, the stealing, he once had Chino all over him. He washed himself clean of it though. Now he was living in some unspeakable paradise, and I was left to continue the Atwood family tradition of fucking up.

I saw the way she looked at me. While I was in cuffs taking the heat for her, she stared. I stared. Ryan didn't have a clue. Jess did, just because I had made it obvious. I'd call Marissa when I was done with her. She'd snort a line and tell me that I'd never have her. That girls like Marissa Cooper didn't go for guys like me. That I was wasting my time, and I was ruining a good thing.

When she came to the door that day, I thought it was some sort of dream. Her hair was a golden shade of brown. Her eyes were deep and had mysteries hidden behind them. She had secrets. One's that even Ryan didn't know about, but they were there. Still, he knows more than I do, and all I could do was sit back and guess. She never smiled all the way. It was half, and coupled with a knowing laugh of sympathy. She was porcelain and pigtailed. It was like some sick reminder of her innocence. She wore clothes that sparked and beamed as she pulled up in one of her many convertibles. We couldn't have been any more different.

She started talking about looking for a job for me. I was standing at my door naked, praying that Jess wouldn't say a word, while Marissa Cooper talked to me about getting a job. She was Versace and I was K-Mart. She had on her flawless make-up and I was struggling to keep the blanket from falling down my waist. She was fragile and I couldn't have been lacking anymore in the virtue department.

"I'll be here for you this weekend. Ryan's gone, but you won't have to spend it alone."

I almost didn't believe what I was hearing. She was still Ryan's girlfriend, but so what? I've never honored the brother code of loyalty before, why should I start now? I'd made him help me steal cars. I got him suspended. I got him locked up behind bars. Still, he always ended up fine. This wouldn't be any different. In times of trouble, Ryan always seemed to find a way to upgrade his life. I mean, look at getting arrested brought him. A new family, a pool house, and friends whose biggest concerns didn't revolve around how to get cash for blow. Then here I was, standing in some trashy apartment, snorting lines with some blonde drunk, while my prize possession is some stupid beanbag chair. I deserved her. I deserved Marissa Cooper.

As unbelievable as it sounds, I never meant to hurt her. She came over alone that night. She drank the margaritas. She wanted to go out and get some air. She suggested the beach. What was I supposed to expect? Some platonic night of stargazing?

She said no. She said it again and again and she cried. I just wanted to show her. That's all. That I would be there for her, and that she helped me. I wanted to her to know that I saw those looks she gave me. I wanted her to know that I appreciated all the nice things she'd done for me. She said Ryan's name. He was all anyone ever wanted, wasn't he? I tried harder because I knew deep down she wanted this. Or at least the coked up drunk version of myself thought she did. Despite all I thought we had, she said no. And when it comes down to it, that's what matters. I knew I'd blown my last and only chance.

The next day was a blur. Jess and I finished off the last of my stash. I kicked her out in some coked up rage, but she didn't leave without a fight.

"It's okay, I liked your brother better anyway. At least he has some money."

So I went to apologize. I could barely see straight but I went to the Cooper/Nichols residence to let Marissa know I was sorry. She was crying on her bed and I touched her arm. She got up quickly and started to back away, as I confessed and apologized about everything. I said I was sorry, and I said it again and again. She told me to forget it and to leave. I yelled and she cried harder. Didn't take to apologies well. She threatened to call the cops, and I knew I had to get out of there. Not because I was afraid of some Orange County police officers, but because I knew Ryan would find out. So I left. I left her house. I left Orange County. I left my apartment. I enlisted Seth Cohen to drive me back to Chino. Chino, where I fit in. I wasn't the biggest jerk on the block. The girls weren't untouchable pigtailed dolls and they said yes.

Sometimes change was just too hard. At least now it was. It was supposed to be this way. Ryan wasn't meant to live with those people anymore than I was, but he learned to adapt. He got there first, and I never had a chance. Maybe someday. I was good at coming in second, after all.


End file.
